Love in the palm of his hands...

Our little Lailah is 4 months old now and growing like a weed. She never ceases to make me laugh...or make me tired. I wish I could say she is sleeping through the night at this point...but I've yet to have that luxury. Thankfully she has two Grandmothers who love her enough to take her on occasion to help me catch up.

I feel like a zombie most of the time, but I really wouldn't trade her for anything! She has discovered her laugh and there for a day she was blowing raspberries - not sure what happened, but I think she may have forgotten how...I am sure it wont be long before she discovers it again. =) She loves to stand and she is liking tummy time much more than several weeks ago. I'm not so sure she is going to ever crawl...it may be that she takes straight to walking; I suppose only time will tell. And I could be taking a stab in the dark here, but I'm pretty sure she is on a quest to stick her entire fist in her mouth; her hand has become a near permanent fixture to her mouth.

Just as I try to teach her something new every day, she is always teaching me something new, whether it be something about her, something about myself, or, just something about life in general. She really seems to have a better grasp on 'what it's all about' than I do. Curious are the thoughts that run through my head about what she will do and the person she will become. While it's sad to see her growing out of clothes and getting so big, I look forward to seeing her develop and become her own person.

I should have taken a picture like this when she was smaller, but I think it turned out okay...thanks to Lynnie for the idea. =)

Love in the palm of his hands

The many faces of my little Lailah...

My little lamb has got some serious personality! 11 weeks old tomorrow!!!

Pretty girl...

I finally got Lailah to cooperate long enough to get pictures of her in one of the beautiful gowns her Grandma Lynnie made her. She looks precious. =)

One month old...

Can't believe it's already been a month. I love this little gal. =)

...and I love the way the flash made me look like I have fantastic skin. Bonus! =)

Something special...

Cuter than the sprightly chickadee or the willow wren this little being delights my senses and fills me with colossal delectation. With an astute acumen brewing behind those eyes she keeps me speculative...who and what will she become. Today her hands are so small, I fret looking forward past tomorrow; how quickly she will grow. Even so, I will forever hold her in my arms.

Settling In...

It's been 11 days since little Lailah Lux Kawahara was brought into this world, and it seems the fog is starting to lift...a little. =) Thanks to some provided R & R from Grammy Tam and Grandma Ninny, I am feeling a little bit more like a human being and a little less like a zombie. And I seem to be getting a little bit better at just rolling with things the way they come. I eat when I can, I pee when I can, and the rest is making sure little Lailah is taken care of.

Bringing this little one here was a treat I tell ya, one that took quite a toll on my body and mind. At 12:35 AM on June 5th my water broke, I thought that was something else, but had no idea it would be the lesser of exciting things to come. So, as my water is breaking, all over the place, I am yelling at Andy, looking for something to stop the flow and save H2O, and looking for the cell phone to call the hospital. So, I call, all the while Andy has ran out to start the truck in his underwear and returns to put on clothes faster than I ever knew possible, and wants to know why I am looking for something dry to wear. On the way to the hospital, I start having light contractions, but nothing that I hadn't already experienced over the last weeks of the pregnancy. My nerves however were getting the best of me, trying not to hyperventilate (or get the seat wet), I was coming to the realization that 'this was it'; before long Andy and I's lives would forever be changed.

So we arrive at the hospital, and the wonderful nurses help to get me somewhat dry, and begin hooking me up to the monitors, asking questions, poking and prodding, and on comes the pitocin, and the epidural, parents are on their way, and contractions are starting to happen more frequently. Que, Ice Chips. After a while all the family had arrived and things were moving along at what we felt was an alright pace. And then, nothing; after the family had left to get some rest and were out waiting for an update; 19 hours later, and still only dilated to a 6, the Doctor gave me the news that a C-Section would probably be the only way she would make her way into this world, safely. I immediately get emotional and scared, and quite frankly a little peeved. You mean to tell me I have been lying here for 19 hours having contractions every 4 minutes or so, and now I am going to be wheeled into the O.R...BUT!

So as the tears start rolling, I understand that sometimes this is just the way it is. I just want to make sure that she is okay. So less than 20 minutes later, I am being wheeled away, Daddy is being suited up, and the impending feeling of a panic attack is strongly setting in my veins. Once in the O.R. I am hooked up to yet more monitors, administered yet more drugs, and in less than fifteen minutes, there's the shoulders, head, Whhhhaaaaa. She was out; and I was delirious. Completely drained from the past 20 hours, and completely drugged out of my mind. I see her if only for a brief second and I lie there for another 40 minutes while they do god knows what to my body; still scared and warding off the panic attack; I feel peace in my foggy frame of mind knowing that she is finally here; And I pray that she is okay.

Wheeled back to the 'birthing' room, I am shaking from the drugs and trying as hard as I can to keep my eyes open; Wishing so hard in my foggy frame of mind that I was there to experience what they were experiencing. Wishing that, if just for a moment, I could have some clarity, and the strength to hold her. I see Andy walking across the room with her, and aside from the internal sorrow I feel at not being able to take more part in that moment, I am eternally grateful that she is safe and sound in her Daddy's arms.

Now 11 days later, I still feel sad at not being able to really experience her 'arrival', but I am so glad that she is safe and healthy and teaching me new things about her, as well as myself everyday. A blessed life I have; great family, an amazing husband, and now this little one...life couldn't be better. (well maybe a little more sleep would be the cherry on top...I know, I know, keep wishing.)

Butterfly’s

I have finally gone through all of my photos from the last cruise I went on and have organized them, and reminisced, and wish I could go back, if just for a day. These are pics I took while at the Butterfly Farm in St. Martin, probably one of my favorite parts of the entire trip. It still blows my mind that I was pregnant at the time and had no idea. Baby girl is already a world traveler…and I hope she loves nature and butterflies as much as I do.

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