Diary of an ass...

I have an amazing husband, anyone who knows me, knows that. So when he called me today and said he put $75 dollars on our debit card for something he got our little girl, I cringed, but figured whatever it was he purchased would be worth it...after all, it's for our little girl. So, for the rest of the day I sat there thinking of what it could be. Now that I have you wondering what it could be, I will go on about the daily goings on in my head.

I have been trying really hard to save money for my time off with her, and there are still things she needs, but I tried to set all that aside. So I sat at my desk and I thought, "man, that could go towards a lot of things, Breastpump $200-250 (sorry if that's TMI), the rocker like I said - probably more in the range of $100-150 (still thinking this had to be what he purchased and that maybe he found one on sale), $3900 to stay at home as long as possible I'm getting there, but not there yet, oh man, a diaper bag probably going to need one of those eventually, Oh crap, I still need to pre-register with the pediatrician, oh wait, what was i thinking of again, I'm really not looking forward to going to the grocery store, I should get a hospital bag packed so I don't have to worry about it when the time comes..." You catch my drift...the mad mind of a pregnant woman, sitting at a desk with swollen ankles and a sore back, and more than ready to have this baby!!! So imagine my pregnant reaction, yes I AM blaming this on pregnancy, when he pulled up with a........

Tree. Yup, a tree. I did a triple take out the window and completely lost it. What the eff! We just bought 2 small trees and planted them in the backyard, a yard at a shitty duplex that we don't plan on living in forever mind you, and he just rolled up with a giant effing tree!!! ...Que uncontrollable, gasping for air, balling your eyes out madness now. And again the goings on in the mind of a pregnant woman, "a tree?!? there must be a reason, wait...what? A tree, an effing tree (I must have uttered this phrase in my head a multitude of times so bare with me). He knows how hard I have been trying to save money... a TREE!!!"....I think you get the idea. So, rather than go outside to say, "honey, this tree...it's beautiful" I recluse to the bedroom sobbing uncontrollably, dreading the moment he walks in to share with me his purchase. So the door opens, and he says "baby" and walks in the bedroom to find me in hysteria. "What's wrong, he asks"..."A Tree!" I say, "You spent $75 Dollars on a tree? I thought maybe a chair for the baby's room, but not a G.D. Tree! (Sorry lord)" ..."So you don't like it"..."Why a Tree!?!"..."My Dad got me a tree when I was born, and it's moved from 4 locations and is still alive in my parents yard, I thought it would be good to get her one, apparently I was wrong"...looking at me from the doorway as though I have lost my damn mind.

And from there I will just cut to the chase...it really is a beautiful tree and one of the most precious things he has done for her. The tree has little cherry blossom type flowers on it that reminded him of her...the reason for getting it. (Trying not to cry again) and he says when we know her name we can carve it into the side. I shouldn't have come unglued...and for that, today, in this moment, I truly am...an ass. It was reminder to slow down a bit, the things that I feel she should have aren't at this time a necessity, and they will be purchased in time, things will fall into place. Sometimes the little things, or in this case, the 35' (yes-foot) tall things...are the things that matter the most. Andy, I am sorry sweetie, and your baby girl loves the tree, she told me so. And she told me to get a grip! As I've said before, she couldn't have a better Dad.

And now, when Daddy tells her little girl about the tree he purchased for her, and it's sentiment, we will leave out the part about her mom being an ass. =)

So many thoughts...

As our baby girl rolls around in my belly I can't help but thinking about the day of her arrival...and how nervous and anxious it makes me. I've gotten back to feeling the exhaustion of pregnancy like I am back in the first trimester, and while I try to get some rest and she lets me know shes there, I start to think about how quickly she will be here...and I freak out...a little bit. Oh who am I kidding...a Lot-a bit. Hormones have been going ridiculous lately, and while it's making things a little hard, I can't help but be thankful I haven't had to deal with it the entire pregnancy. All in all, considering the amazing form of life taking place inside of me, it hasn't been so bad.

As I sit here, hot and tired and emotional and thinking of all the things I should get up and do; (Andy's at a softball game), I can't help but think of a gazillion other things; this pregnant journey, how soon she will be here, what delivery will be like, how my life will forever be changed, the paranoia of having a child in this somewhat scary world, and on the contrary all the beautiful things this life has to offer, if I will be a good mom, and on and on. For crying out loud, I've never even really changed a diaper. I find myself getting overwhelming anxiety about a lot of things.

But the one thing that I don't have anxiety about, is how great a Daddy this little girl is going to have. As her arrival gets closer and Andy's pats to my belly get more frequent, I become more and more thankful that I met such an amazing person. I am so thankful for this life and the direction it is headed. I love my husband, I love this little baby, I love my life. From the early days of dating, to marriage, to having a little one on the way, I'm left speechless, and ready to open this new chapter in life. Andy, I love you.

Sweet Baby Girl...

Our baby girl can yawn and blink! This picture shows her face straight on with her sweet little mouth in a full yawn and her eyes blinking; makes me wonder what she sees in there. This appointment has made us so extremely excited for her to get here. And I think she will be coming a week early...I am saying June 5th, we will see if I am right. =)

We decided to get the 3d/4d and I am so glad that we did! Even though the umbilical cord was across her face we were able to see her chubby little cheeks, her plump little lips and her cute as a button nose as if she were here in the flesh. During the ultrasound she yawned numerous times, she opened and closed her eyes like she was looking right back at us, and she even managed to kick herself in the face, gently of coarse. =) She opened and closed her mouth like she was carrying on a conversation and she let us know when she was finished with her close-up by turning on her other side. It was just another moment in this amazing adventure that reiterates to us the miracle of life and how things should never be taken for granted. This little baby girl is one of the best things to ever happen to Andy and I...and we are pretty excited and happy about our little accomplishment.

And as if all of the pictures of her weren't cute enough (to me anyway), Andy just HAD to get his little baby girl a pink wagon in which he has already begun customizing, and a little John Deere Layette set with floppy hat, and all the whistles and bells. It's pretty much adorable. I have been surrounded by all things adorable today. My life...is splendid; an amazing husband, a beautiful baby girl and great family for support. I am blessed.

(Pictures of the wagon to come once its finished)