Monday, December 27, 2010

I went through the motion of creating a Christmas/New Years Card, however, I failed miserably at actually sending it out. So, to all you Blogger's to hoping that your Christmas was delightful and your New Year is full of wonder and joy...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Small Clouds in a Big Sky...

Last night's sunset was painted in hues unobtainable by man, and, if humanly possible, I could have kicked myself in the face for not having my camera with me! So as per the norm I set out this morning for work while it was still dark - but with pink undertones, the sky was giving glimpses of what might be in store, so I turned around and went back to get my camera. By the time I got to work I had seen quite the display, here are a few pics; thus the reason I should always carry my camera.

While the lens cannot replicate the true beauty of it, it can at least be an aid to the coffers of my memory of the amazing things I witness each day, so easily taken for granted.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Love in the palm of his hands...

Our little Lailah is 4 months old now and growing like a weed. She never ceases to make me laugh...or make me tired. I wish I could say she is sleeping through the night at this point...but I've yet to have that luxury. Thankfully she has two Grandmothers who love her enough to take her on occasion to help me catch up.

I feel like a zombie most of the time, but I really wouldn't trade her for anything! She has discovered her laugh and there for a day she was blowing raspberries - not sure what happened, but I think she may have forgotten how...I am sure it wont be long before she discovers it again. =) She loves to stand and she is liking tummy time much more than several weeks ago. I'm not so sure she is going to ever may be that she takes straight to walking; I suppose only time will tell. And I could be taking a stab in the dark here, but I'm pretty sure she is on a quest to stick her entire fist in her mouth; her hand has become a near permanent fixture to her mouth.

Just as I try to teach her something new every day, she is always teaching me something new, whether it be something about her, something about myself, or, just something about life in general. She really seems to have a better grasp on 'what it's all about' than I do. Curious are the thoughts that run through my head about what she will do and the person she will become. While it's sad to see her growing out of clothes and getting so big, I look forward to seeing her develop and become her own person.

I should have taken a picture like this when she was smaller, but I think it turned out okay...thanks to Lynnie for the idea. =)

Love in the palm of his hands

Friday, August 20, 2010

The many faces of my little Lailah...

My little lamb has got some serious personality! 11 weeks old tomorrow!!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Pretty girl...

I finally got Lailah to cooperate long enough to get pictures of her in one of the beautiful gowns her Grandma Lynnie made her. She looks precious. =)

Saturday, July 3, 2010

One month old...

Can't believe it's already been a month. I love this little gal. =)

...and I love the way the flash made me look like I have fantastic skin. Bonus! =)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Something special...

Cuter than the sprightly chickadee or the willow wren this little being delights my senses and fills me with colossal delectation. With an astute acumen brewing behind those eyes she keeps me speculative...who and what will she become. Today her hands are so small, I fret looking forward past tomorrow; how quickly she will grow. Even so, I will forever hold her in my arms.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Settling In...

It's been 11 days since little Lailah Lux Kawahara was brought into this world, and it seems the fog is starting to lift...a little. =) Thanks to some provided R & R from Grammy Tam and Grandma Ninny, I am feeling a little bit more like a human being and a little less like a zombie. And I seem to be getting a little bit better at just rolling with things the way they come. I eat when I can, I pee when I can, and the rest is making sure little Lailah is taken care of.

Bringing this little one here was a treat I tell ya, one that took quite a toll on my body and mind. At 12:35 AM on June 5th my water broke, I thought that was something else, but had no idea it would be the lesser of exciting things to come. So, as my water is breaking, all over the place, I am yelling at Andy, looking for something to stop the flow and save H2O, and looking for the cell phone to call the hospital. So, I call, all the while Andy has ran out to start the truck in his underwear and returns to put on clothes faster than I ever knew possible, and wants to know why I am looking for something dry to wear. On the way to the hospital, I start having light contractions, but nothing that I hadn't already experienced over the last weeks of the pregnancy. My nerves however were getting the best of me, trying not to hyperventilate (or get the seat wet), I was coming to the realization that 'this was it'; before long Andy and I's lives would forever be changed.

So we arrive at the hospital, and the wonderful nurses help to get me somewhat dry, and begin hooking me up to the monitors, asking questions, poking and prodding, and on comes the pitocin, and the epidural, parents are on their way, and contractions are starting to happen more frequently. Que, Ice Chips. After a while all the family had arrived and things were moving along at what we felt was an alright pace. And then, nothing; after the family had left to get some rest and were out waiting for an update; 19 hours later, and still only dilated to a 6, the Doctor gave me the news that a C-Section would probably be the only way she would make her way into this world, safely. I immediately get emotional and scared, and quite frankly a little peeved. You mean to tell me I have been lying here for 19 hours having contractions every 4 minutes or so, and now I am going to be wheeled into the O.R...BUT!

So as the tears start rolling, I understand that sometimes this is just the way it is. I just want to make sure that she is okay. So less than 20 minutes later, I am being wheeled away, Daddy is being suited up, and the impending feeling of a panic attack is strongly setting in my veins. Once in the O.R. I am hooked up to yet more monitors, administered yet more drugs, and in less than fifteen minutes, there's the shoulders, head, Whhhhaaaaa. She was out; and I was delirious. Completely drained from the past 20 hours, and completely drugged out of my mind. I see her if only for a brief second and I lie there for another 40 minutes while they do god knows what to my body; still scared and warding off the panic attack; I feel peace in my foggy frame of mind knowing that she is finally here; And I pray that she is okay.

Wheeled back to the 'birthing' room, I am shaking from the drugs and trying as hard as I can to keep my eyes open; Wishing so hard in my foggy frame of mind that I was there to experience what they were experiencing. Wishing that, if just for a moment, I could have some clarity, and the strength to hold her. I see Andy walking across the room with her, and aside from the internal sorrow I feel at not being able to take more part in that moment, I am eternally grateful that she is safe and sound in her Daddy's arms.

Now 11 days later, I still feel sad at not being able to really experience her 'arrival', but I am so glad that she is safe and healthy and teaching me new things about her, as well as myself everyday. A blessed life I have; great family, an amazing husband, and now this little couldn't be better. (well maybe a little more sleep would be the cherry on top...I know, I know, keep wishing.)

Sunday, May 30, 2010


I have finally gone through all of my photos from the last cruise I went on and have organized them, and reminisced, and wish I could go back, if just for a day. These are pics I took while at the Butterfly Farm in St. Martin, probably one of my favorite parts of the entire trip. It still blows my mind that I was pregnant at the time and had no idea. Baby girl is already a world traveler…and I hope she loves nature and butterflies as much as I do.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Is she here yet?

Eagerly anticipating this little one's arrival and it seems like the minutes are counting down at a slow-poke pace; every twinge and movement more uncomfortable than the last. As I sit and look at the pictures I have of her so far I can't help but want to see her in person all the more...wondering just what that little face will look like.

With the hospital bag packed and the car seat installed, it's becoming a much stronger reality that soon; Andy and I will be parents. Talk about an overwhelming sense of responsibility - an overwhelming sense of responsibility blanketed with an overwhelming sense of wonder and amazement.

Baby hands clinched, wide inquisitive eyes, funny faces and the smell of baby, it just can't get here soon enough. We are waiting baby girl; eagerly waiting...

Monday, April 26, 2010

Diary of an ass...

I have an amazing husband, anyone who knows me, knows that. So when he called me today and said he put $75 dollars on our debit card for something he got our little girl, I cringed, but figured whatever it was he purchased would be worth it...after all, it's for our little girl. So, for the rest of the day I sat there thinking of what it could be. Now that I have you wondering what it could be, I will go on about the daily goings on in my head.

I have been trying really hard to save money for my time off with her, and there are still things she needs, but I tried to set all that aside. So I sat at my desk and I thought, "man, that could go towards a lot of things, Breastpump $200-250 (sorry if that's TMI), the rocker like I said - probably more in the range of $100-150 (still thinking this had to be what he purchased and that maybe he found one on sale), $3900 to stay at home as long as possible I'm getting there, but not there yet, oh man, a diaper bag probably going to need one of those eventually, Oh crap, I still need to pre-register with the pediatrician, oh wait, what was i thinking of again, I'm really not looking forward to going to the grocery store, I should get a hospital bag packed so I don't have to worry about it when the time comes..." You catch my drift...the mad mind of a pregnant woman, sitting at a desk with swollen ankles and a sore back, and more than ready to have this baby!!! So imagine my pregnant reaction, yes I AM blaming this on pregnancy, when he pulled up with a........

Tree. Yup, a tree. I did a triple take out the window and completely lost it. What the eff! We just bought 2 small trees and planted them in the backyard, a yard at a shitty duplex that we don't plan on living in forever mind you, and he just rolled up with a giant effing tree!!! ...Que uncontrollable, gasping for air, balling your eyes out madness now. And again the goings on in the mind of a pregnant woman, "a tree?!? there must be a reason, wait...what? A tree, an effing tree (I must have uttered this phrase in my head a multitude of times so bare with me). He knows how hard I have been trying to save money... a TREE!!!"....I think you get the idea. So, rather than go outside to say, "honey, this's beautiful" I recluse to the bedroom sobbing uncontrollably, dreading the moment he walks in to share with me his purchase. So the door opens, and he says "baby" and walks in the bedroom to find me in hysteria. "What's wrong, he asks"..."A Tree!" I say, "You spent $75 Dollars on a tree? I thought maybe a chair for the baby's room, but not a G.D. Tree! (Sorry lord)" ..."So you don't like it"..."Why a Tree!?!"..."My Dad got me a tree when I was born, and it's moved from 4 locations and is still alive in my parents yard, I thought it would be good to get her one, apparently I was wrong"...looking at me from the doorway as though I have lost my damn mind.

And from there I will just cut to the really is a beautiful tree and one of the most precious things he has done for her. The tree has little cherry blossom type flowers on it that reminded him of her...the reason for getting it. (Trying not to cry again) and he says when we know her name we can carve it into the side. I shouldn't have come unglued...and for that, today, in this moment, I truly ass. It was reminder to slow down a bit, the things that I feel she should have aren't at this time a necessity, and they will be purchased in time, things will fall into place. Sometimes the little things, or in this case, the 35' (yes-foot) tall things...are the things that matter the most. Andy, I am sorry sweetie, and your baby girl loves the tree, she told me so. And she told me to get a grip! As I've said before, she couldn't have a better Dad.

And now, when Daddy tells her little girl about the tree he purchased for her, and it's sentiment, we will leave out the part about her mom being an ass. =)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

So many thoughts...

As our baby girl rolls around in my belly I can't help but thinking about the day of her arrival...and how nervous and anxious it makes me. I've gotten back to feeling the exhaustion of pregnancy like I am back in the first trimester, and while I try to get some rest and she lets me know shes there, I start to think about how quickly she will be here...and I freak out...a little bit. Oh who am I kidding...a Lot-a bit. Hormones have been going ridiculous lately, and while it's making things a little hard, I can't help but be thankful I haven't had to deal with it the entire pregnancy. All in all, considering the amazing form of life taking place inside of me, it hasn't been so bad.

As I sit here, hot and tired and emotional and thinking of all the things I should get up and do; (Andy's at a softball game), I can't help but think of a gazillion other things; this pregnant journey, how soon she will be here, what delivery will be like, how my life will forever be changed, the paranoia of having a child in this somewhat scary world, and on the contrary all the beautiful things this life has to offer, if I will be a good mom, and on and on. For crying out loud, I've never even really changed a diaper. I find myself getting overwhelming anxiety about a lot of things.

But the one thing that I don't have anxiety about, is how great a Daddy this little girl is going to have. As her arrival gets closer and Andy's pats to my belly get more frequent, I become more and more thankful that I met such an amazing person. I am so thankful for this life and the direction it is headed. I love my husband, I love this little baby, I love my life. From the early days of dating, to marriage, to having a little one on the way, I'm left speechless, and ready to open this new chapter in life. Andy, I love you.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Sweet Baby Girl...

Our baby girl can yawn and blink! This picture shows her face straight on with her sweet little mouth in a full yawn and her eyes blinking; makes me wonder what she sees in there. This appointment has made us so extremely excited for her to get here. And I think she will be coming a week early...I am saying June 5th, we will see if I am right. =)

We decided to get the 3d/4d and I am so glad that we did! Even though the umbilical cord was across her face we were able to see her chubby little cheeks, her plump little lips and her cute as a button nose as if she were here in the flesh. During the ultrasound she yawned numerous times, she opened and closed her eyes like she was looking right back at us, and she even managed to kick herself in the face, gently of coarse. =) She opened and closed her mouth like she was carrying on a conversation and she let us know when she was finished with her close-up by turning on her other side. It was just another moment in this amazing adventure that reiterates to us the miracle of life and how things should never be taken for granted. This little baby girl is one of the best things to ever happen to Andy and I...and we are pretty excited and happy about our little accomplishment.

And as if all of the pictures of her weren't cute enough (to me anyway), Andy just HAD to get his little baby girl a pink wagon in which he has already begun customizing, and a little John Deere Layette set with floppy hat, and all the whistles and bells. It's pretty much adorable. I have been surrounded by all things adorable today. My splendid; an amazing husband, a beautiful baby girl and great family for support. I am blessed.

(Pictures of the wagon to come once its finished)

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Life Progressions...

I've been meaning to write on here for a while, but looking for the right words has been a bit of a challenge. Such a momentous event, leaves me nothing but speechless.

A single cell progressed into our little sesame seed, our little sesame seed progressed into a little plum, and now that plum has become 'our little girl'; a full fledged little one growing inside me, heart beating at 150 beats per minute...created magically through the love of two people.

Momentous events happen throughout life, but I could have never been prepared for this one, it has brought whole new meaning to the word 'life'. Life truly is a progression of moments, moments that turn into events, events that turn into memories; forever impressed into the mind and heart.

I pray that this little girl of ours; loves life, sees joy in the little things, and embraces nature. That she feels our love and compassion as parents, and finds comfort in us as a confidant and friend. I pray she truly knows how much she is loved, and how grateful we are to have been given her. Life truly is a blessed thing.

7 weeks 1 day

11 weeks 1 day

21 weeks 4 days

Our little one is scheduled to make her appearance on June 13th.
We can't wait to meet you.