Some catching up to do...

What the? Where has the time gone? I can't believe the last post I made about Lailah was almost 4 months ago. She is utterly the most precious thing in my life, and I can't brag about her enough - so why it has taken me so long, I don't know. It could have something to do with not having the time I suppose. But this year I resolve to make more time; for all things that bring me joy. So here's an update:

L is for Lovely. Lovely is this precocious little being that teaches me more in one day than I have learned in my lifetime.
A is for Amiable. Amiable is this child who infects people with her smile from sun up to sun down.
I is for Incendiary. She has lit a fire inside my heart that burns brighter everyday.
L is for little; but growing so quickly.
A is for azure - blue as the sky are those eyes that take in everything in sight with keen awareness.
H is for heartstrings - of which she pulls at with every smile, laugh, and cry.

She is learning so many new things. She loves to walk; with assistance of course. She has a fondness for pulling the hair out of our cats, both of which allow her. She babbles and says dadada and mamama and if you didn't hear her the first time she will make sure you hear her the second time. She observes everything and notices when something, small as it may be, is missing or added. She finds fish mesmerizing. She LOVES to be outside even when its too cold for everyone else. She has just acquired two very sharp bottom teeth. She still doesn't sleep, but we love her anyway. She loves car rides, and I often catch her staring out the window with a look of wonder on her face. She gives the best hugs and the slobbery-ist of kisses. She laughs when I dance for her, and in turn makes me want to dance more. And well...she just makes life better. She gives it purpose and inspires me to make more of it. She helps to give me courage when I am scared, a smile when I am sad, hope when I am hopeless and confidence when I am unsure. She makes me want to be a better person. She is so much more than I could ever express in words; She is everything.

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Having a child has completely changed my perspective on my life and where it is going. I am constantly telling Lailah to pursue her goals, dreams and aspirations, yet, I am not setting an example for her – I’m not exactly practicing what I preach.

I have been dealing with some internal struggles lately; I know that there is something that I WANT to do; something that I NEED to do, but I can’t settle on what that one thing is - and I am scared to death of not just sticking with what I am already doing. Change is a frightening thing. My goals have always been more of a “I’d like to do this” or “I’d like to do that” and it’s always been “someday.” But we all know someday never comes and fear is one of life’s greatest hindrances. "Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear for the future."

My hope for this year – my goal for this year, is to find something that I can be proud of – and that allows me to spend more time with Lailah. To be successful by account of my own actions, on my own time, to make a bigger impact and to be more proud of who I am and what I have achieved – to be able to set that better example for Lailah by way of doing.

Here’s a toast to the New Year, the next year and five years from now, when we can look back and tell of our successes, our failures, our new aspirations, and everything else in between.