Saturday, May 19, 2012

Finding self…

I’ve been struggling with a lot of things lately; my weight, my emotions, my attitude, my health. I am constantly tired, and there are things not right with my body that I haven’t gotten answers from Doctors about, and I just pretty much feel like crap all the time. It’s been a lot of ‘let’s wait and see’ response, and quite frankly I’m sick of waiting and seeing. To feel physically inept, but know it doesn’t matter because you have a child to take care of and a paycheck to make really sucks – all I want to do is crawl in bed. Trying everything you can think of to grasp onto a little more energy but get nowhere, day in and day out has been a real struggle for going on 6 months and I am hoping soon we can get somewhere – on a better path.

I know a lot of my problems probably stem from being overweight, and I know that exercise can help with lots of health issues and help with feeling better overall - emotional, physical, energy etc. But can someone please tell me - when a person feels so horrible, and already struggles to find extra time in a day – when is a person supposed to work that into their schedule? Some would say – it’s easy to make excuses – all it takes is 30 minutes a day – hell I tell myself that, but yet, here I am, in the same rut, the same lethargic coma, the same mindset that I KNOW I need to do something, make a change, but just don’t know how to do something about it. 

I am hoping things can get better for good soon, but for now, the good comes in waves. I’m back on cyanocobalamin injections for B12 deficiency, hoping an upcoming ultrasound can give new hope/answers to other issues, and catching some ‘me time’ when I can. A few weeks ago I headed up American Fork Canyon with camera in hand and did a little bit of hiking and a whole lot of admiring. The world around us is a truly beautiful place - sometimes it just takes some quiet and alone time to remember that.

 Back side of Timpanogos.

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